Prologue
1.45pm
I woke up to the heat of the high noon. In disbelieve that I'm back at this place. Back where I started again. Far from her. From home. The backpack is slumped by the door. I don't even have the will to unpack. Maybe it's a good idea not to. Who knows, I might be heading back to her tomorrow. Hey, maybe even this very afternoon. Gosh, stop kidding yourself Mea. You just got back not 6 hours ago.
Still, I'll unpack later. Much later.
I looked at the red checkers shirt hanged by the window. Emme gave me that shirt. I've been hugged in that shirt. Kissed just above the collar. The sleeves was once held dearly by someone. It has gone where Emme is. And now it's just hanging there. Lifeless. But I'm not suprised.
Everything seems lifeless when she's not around.
My mind is trying very hard to adjust to the abrupt changes in my routine.
No kisses in the morning. No gentle rub on my back. No cuddling on the sofa.
No smooth swaying to the music. No hands to hold. No sound of her laughter.
No big silly grin on my face.
Just me and this steady flow of grief from my tired eyes.
I feel like a miniseries is running in my head. Big stashes of memories came rolling in. Hitting me like a a full speed steel locomotive.
Was yesterday a dream? Whatever it was, today surely feels like a nightmare...
__________________________________________________
10 days before goodbyes
My bag must be weighing not less than a tonne and I don't feel a thing. My palms are so sweaty I think it's dripping all over the floor. I kept reminding myself to breathe and exhale. Wait, isn't breathing supposed to be spontaneous? Oh Mea, why do you have to be such a nervous wreck?
The airport is an enormous place full of people coming from somewhere and going to another. And it felt like an even bigger place when you're waiting at the departure hall scanning every faces that walked by you hoping that one of them is the one you're waiting for. I fixed my stare at the rectangular opening on the glass wall. In just a few minutes, Emme will be walking through there. I didn't even blink. Can't risk missing her. Every once in a while I took a quick, micro-second glance at the time. Each time knocking the display glass with the tip of my finger. Either my watch is running out of battery or time is slowing down.
Emme, where are you?
Then, in the crowd of strange foreign unfamiliar faces, I saw someone I know. I saw someone I love. She's here.
From where I'm standing, she looked amazing. She looked more beautiful than the last time we met.
I know this sounds silly, but I've practiced this how-to-greet-her moves days in advance. The objective is to sport a cool but excited look in one go. But just as expected, as soon as I saw her face, all those rehearsal just went down the drain. All I can manage to put up is a smile and a 'hi'. We walked while staring at each other and fighting the urge to kiss. Risking tripping on our own feet or any obstacles in front of us. Slicing through a maze of people that storms in opposite direction. Making our way to the exit.
The plan is to go backpacking across 2 different states. We've been talking about going on such trips for so long. I'm so glad we finally got the opportunity to actually make it happen and thrilled is too small a word to describe how excited we are. We are literally beaming with exhiliration and I think it's apparent to everyone at the airport.
I rented a motorbike. We both agreed that since this is a backpacking trip, we should limit our means of transportation to buses, bikes and our 2 feet. No cars, taxis or anything that spells out luxury and expels any sense of adventure. So I rented a 110cc white Honda. This will be our ride for the next 2 days.
The clouds were gray and unsettling. Thunder echoed from above like a heavenly wrath. Just as I was fastening her helmet, it started to rain. And before long, it poured. We were soaked down to our undies!
I asked her, teasingly, "So what do you think of our trip so far?".
She paused, smiled, pushing out rain water that kept flowing into her mouth and said, "It's OK". I laughed.
What a way to start a trip!
We took shelter at a bus stop and sat close to each other. Sharing body heat. The rain showed no sign of giving up. I held her freezing hands. If not for the people who were sharing the same bus stop, I would have kissed her wet lips.
As soon as the rain dwindled into drizzles, we hurried to the hotel.
The place has got an 80's feel to it. The people there were kind. The room was suprisingly spacious compared to what we paid for. Not much of a view from the window except for a narrow street below and a red brick wall from a nearby building.
I looked at Emme and eases my steps towards her. I traced her soft lips with my fingers. They are the colour of a Burmese Ruby. Warm and inviting. Something mounts inside of me. I drew her closer. We kissed. Finally. And her kiss was so overwhelming, I almost forgot where I am. The world is bustling all around me and I couldn't care less. I close my eyes and all I can see is her. All I want is her. She whispered softly in my ears, "I'm yours sayang. All yours".
Hours passed by. The only thing that motivated us to get out of the room is our growling hunger. After a quick hot shower, we went to an authentic Indian restaurant just blocks away. The food was delicious. We filled ourselves right up to our noses.
That late afternoon we stopped by the botanical garden. The garden is a huge place sorrounded by old trees and dotted with people walking around the concrete tracks. We joined the crowd and followed the white mossy trails stopping by a small hut.
She laid her head on my lap. I rubbed her shoulder gently while she gradually drifted into sleep. Poor thing. She must be so tired. It has been a long day. Just right before she doze off, I asked,"Sayang, is this still backpacking?". Eyes still closed and trying very hard to conceal a smirk, she answered, "Uhmm, I think so".
When the night came, we took a ride around town. The air was cold and humid. A remnant from the earlier downpour . She held me tight around my waist. We talked and talked. Well, we are on a moving bike wearing a thick helmet so we sound more like shouting than talking. We laughed our heads off. Talking about all sorts of things and making comments about the things we saw along the road. We must look like 2 super happy maniacs who came out of nowhere, riding dangerously and aimlessly. I told Emme I feel like the happiest girl alive. She held me tighter.
Never let go, Emme. You're safe with me.
It's 11pm and we're both extremely tired. I told her we need to make one last stop before we call it a day. I told her I wanted to show her something. We head on to the beach. I parked the bike at a very nice and secluded spot. The moon was full and glowing like a bead of pearl etched on the cloudless night sky. I asked her to sit on a piece of log and to look the other way. I got the suprise out of my backpack and lit it on. I screamed, "Hey Emme, take a look at this!". As she did, the fireworks does its magic. It was magnificient. She was stunned. I saw the flowery explosion as they were reflected in her eyes. She took a few steps back, took my hands and put it around her. When it's over and the darkness came back, she looked into my eyes and said "Darling, they're beautiful. I can't believe you did this. I love you so much!". We kissed under the dim moonlight. On the way back to our hotel, I asked her again, "So, what do you think of the trip so far?". She answered swiftly, "It's wonderful!!". And then she continued in a softer tone of voice, "You're romantic".
Thank God for the helmet. If not, she could have seen me blush.
God, I'm so in love with this girl.
The next day we took a train. It will be a 10 hour journey to our next destination. We bought the berth or bunker seats which is like a single bed fixed on the side of the cabin's wall. We filled one berth with all of our stuff and stayed on another. We closed the curtains real tight so no one could see what the two lovers are doing on the other side. The train picked up speed. Metals clanked and rattled. Emanating just enough noise to muffle ours. Emme leaned closer and rested her plump lips on mine...
1.45pm
I woke up to the heat of the high noon. In disbelieve that I'm back at this place. Back where I started again. Far from her. From home. The backpack is slumped by the door. I don't even have the will to unpack. Maybe it's a good idea not to. Who knows, I might be heading back to her tomorrow. Hey, maybe even this very afternoon. Gosh, stop kidding yourself Mea. You just got back not 6 hours ago.
Still, I'll unpack later. Much later.
I looked at the red checkers shirt hanged by the window. Emme gave me that shirt. I've been hugged in that shirt. Kissed just above the collar. The sleeves was once held dearly by someone. It has gone where Emme is. And now it's just hanging there. Lifeless. But I'm not suprised.
Everything seems lifeless when she's not around.
My mind is trying very hard to adjust to the abrupt changes in my routine.
No kisses in the morning. No gentle rub on my back. No cuddling on the sofa.
No smooth swaying to the music. No hands to hold. No sound of her laughter.
No big silly grin on my face.
Just me and this steady flow of grief from my tired eyes.
I feel like a miniseries is running in my head. Big stashes of memories came rolling in. Hitting me like a a full speed steel locomotive.
Was yesterday a dream? Whatever it was, today surely feels like a nightmare...
__________________________________________________
10 days before goodbyes
My bag must be weighing not less than a tonne and I don't feel a thing. My palms are so sweaty I think it's dripping all over the floor. I kept reminding myself to breathe and exhale. Wait, isn't breathing supposed to be spontaneous? Oh Mea, why do you have to be such a nervous wreck?
The airport is an enormous place full of people coming from somewhere and going to another. And it felt like an even bigger place when you're waiting at the departure hall scanning every faces that walked by you hoping that one of them is the one you're waiting for. I fixed my stare at the rectangular opening on the glass wall. In just a few minutes, Emme will be walking through there. I didn't even blink. Can't risk missing her. Every once in a while I took a quick, micro-second glance at the time. Each time knocking the display glass with the tip of my finger. Either my watch is running out of battery or time is slowing down.
Emme, where are you?
Then, in the crowd of strange foreign unfamiliar faces, I saw someone I know. I saw someone I love. She's here.
From where I'm standing, she looked amazing. She looked more beautiful than the last time we met.
I know this sounds silly, but I've practiced this how-to-greet-her moves days in advance. The objective is to sport a cool but excited look in one go. But just as expected, as soon as I saw her face, all those rehearsal just went down the drain. All I can manage to put up is a smile and a 'hi'. We walked while staring at each other and fighting the urge to kiss. Risking tripping on our own feet or any obstacles in front of us. Slicing through a maze of people that storms in opposite direction. Making our way to the exit.
The plan is to go backpacking across 2 different states. We've been talking about going on such trips for so long. I'm so glad we finally got the opportunity to actually make it happen and thrilled is too small a word to describe how excited we are. We are literally beaming with exhiliration and I think it's apparent to everyone at the airport.
I rented a motorbike. We both agreed that since this is a backpacking trip, we should limit our means of transportation to buses, bikes and our 2 feet. No cars, taxis or anything that spells out luxury and expels any sense of adventure. So I rented a 110cc white Honda. This will be our ride for the next 2 days.
The clouds were gray and unsettling. Thunder echoed from above like a heavenly wrath. Just as I was fastening her helmet, it started to rain. And before long, it poured. We were soaked down to our undies!
I asked her, teasingly, "So what do you think of our trip so far?".
She paused, smiled, pushing out rain water that kept flowing into her mouth and said, "It's OK". I laughed.
What a way to start a trip!
We took shelter at a bus stop and sat close to each other. Sharing body heat. The rain showed no sign of giving up. I held her freezing hands. If not for the people who were sharing the same bus stop, I would have kissed her wet lips.
As soon as the rain dwindled into drizzles, we hurried to the hotel.
The place has got an 80's feel to it. The people there were kind. The room was suprisingly spacious compared to what we paid for. Not much of a view from the window except for a narrow street below and a red brick wall from a nearby building.
I looked at Emme and eases my steps towards her. I traced her soft lips with my fingers. They are the colour of a Burmese Ruby. Warm and inviting. Something mounts inside of me. I drew her closer. We kissed. Finally. And her kiss was so overwhelming, I almost forgot where I am. The world is bustling all around me and I couldn't care less. I close my eyes and all I can see is her. All I want is her. She whispered softly in my ears, "I'm yours sayang. All yours".
Hours passed by. The only thing that motivated us to get out of the room is our growling hunger. After a quick hot shower, we went to an authentic Indian restaurant just blocks away. The food was delicious. We filled ourselves right up to our noses.
That late afternoon we stopped by the botanical garden. The garden is a huge place sorrounded by old trees and dotted with people walking around the concrete tracks. We joined the crowd and followed the white mossy trails stopping by a small hut.
She laid her head on my lap. I rubbed her shoulder gently while she gradually drifted into sleep. Poor thing. She must be so tired. It has been a long day. Just right before she doze off, I asked,"Sayang, is this still backpacking?". Eyes still closed and trying very hard to conceal a smirk, she answered, "Uhmm, I think so".
When the night came, we took a ride around town. The air was cold and humid. A remnant from the earlier downpour . She held me tight around my waist. We talked and talked. Well, we are on a moving bike wearing a thick helmet so we sound more like shouting than talking. We laughed our heads off. Talking about all sorts of things and making comments about the things we saw along the road. We must look like 2 super happy maniacs who came out of nowhere, riding dangerously and aimlessly. I told Emme I feel like the happiest girl alive. She held me tighter.
Never let go, Emme. You're safe with me.
It's 11pm and we're both extremely tired. I told her we need to make one last stop before we call it a day. I told her I wanted to show her something. We head on to the beach. I parked the bike at a very nice and secluded spot. The moon was full and glowing like a bead of pearl etched on the cloudless night sky. I asked her to sit on a piece of log and to look the other way. I got the suprise out of my backpack and lit it on. I screamed, "Hey Emme, take a look at this!". As she did, the fireworks does its magic. It was magnificient. She was stunned. I saw the flowery explosion as they were reflected in her eyes. She took a few steps back, took my hands and put it around her. When it's over and the darkness came back, she looked into my eyes and said "Darling, they're beautiful. I can't believe you did this. I love you so much!". We kissed under the dim moonlight. On the way back to our hotel, I asked her again, "So, what do you think of the trip so far?". She answered swiftly, "It's wonderful!!". And then she continued in a softer tone of voice, "You're romantic".
Thank God for the helmet. If not, she could have seen me blush.
God, I'm so in love with this girl.
The next day we took a train. It will be a 10 hour journey to our next destination. We bought the berth or bunker seats which is like a single bed fixed on the side of the cabin's wall. We filled one berth with all of our stuff and stayed on another. We closed the curtains real tight so no one could see what the two lovers are doing on the other side. The train picked up speed. Metals clanked and rattled. Emanating just enough noise to muffle ours. Emme leaned closer and rested her plump lips on mine...
