Coffee

Sunday, 1.08am. The caffeine is really kicking in. I’m starting to regret surrendering to my sudden craving for coffee earlier. Here I am wide awake staring at my window panes where the dim streetlight cast streaks of shadows on my faux wool blanket. The whole world seems asleep. It suddenly felt empty. Untroubled. Muted by slumber. The only sound I hear is the ceiling fan turned full blast. The extremely hot and dry end-of-monsoon weather demands for extreme measures.

Emme is also presumably asleep. Some 300 miles away.

It’s been 21 days since the last time I saw her. Magnify that with how much my heart is yearning for her presence right now, I might as well add another 0 to that. No, make that two!

Keeping memories is definitely not my strongest virtue. Earlier today as I was about to leave for work, I left my car keys on the car roof, forgot about it, went back into the house and turn everything upside down looking for it. I end up using a spare key and drove the car all the way to the office with my keys dangling for dear life just on top of my absent minded head. It miraculously survived the ride which proves that Higher Power does exist and He is looking after me.

But someway….somehow, when I’m with Emme, I could remember every single thing that went on. Even the most minute detail. Her scent, how the cool November breeze brushes through her soft hair, how the sunset bounces off its ray on the lake and find itself reflected in her eyes, where we kiss for the first time, what was the weather like and her every move and touch. I could draw out a chronicle of it if I want to. Complete with timelines and maps that contains arrows with dotted lines to illustrate our exact movement. I don’t know how I am able to do this. Honestly, I surprised (and quietly congratulate) myself. I think, having been familiar with my less favourable attribute, Emme is equally surprised. And these memories, they haunt me. Wait, haunt is such a negative word. They uhmm…tease me. And on nights like these, they came in surges. Bringing some sort of dreamlike pleasures and also grief as soon as you 'exorcised' yourself from it. They could linger well through the night as they often did.

I guess, it wasn’t coffee that kept me awake at these ungodly hours after all.

When my mind started to actively ponder about her, the overwhelmingness (yes, that’s not an English word) of it all will prompt me to put into words  what was in mind as evident in the trails I left behind in this blog. Silly as it sounds, almost all the time it ‘quieted’ my mind down perhaps by providing some sort of distraction as I try to find the best word to ‘document’ my thoughts.

Through my writing, I try my absolute best to describe her. And how I felt about her. What was written was exactly how I see her. Time slowed down, butterflies flew about us, flocks of birds brought news that dawn is nigh. Yes, that’s exactly what happened. Everything is beautiful when Emme is around. I don’t know how to explain the way I feel. I guess some things are too good for words.

Some things you just have to live to believe.

By the way, note to self, no more coffee after 7pm!
(I know I’m going to forget this)

bundle of joy

A repetitive gentle pressure on my left cheek woke me up. I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry but kind enough to notice that it was still dark. Lights from the living room swarmed in through the bedroom door that was intentionally left slightly open. Creating a trickery of shadows and silhouettes on the white walls. How long have I been sleeping? The coldness I felt on my skin tells me that dawn is approaching. There’s that constant peck again. I shifted to my left to find Emme wide awake and smiling. She kissed me again. On my lips this time. “Hey baby. Good morning. I love you.” I return the gesture, pulled her into my arms and….return the gesture again.

We promised each other to wake up a bit early that morning so we could finish up baking the cookies. I looked at my watch – 4.00 am. Right on the dot. You can always count on Emme on these things. She’s always so enthusiastic and I’m always so….well to be fair, just a few steps behind. After her attempt to get me up was defeated by my plea for an extra 5 minutes (as usual), she went to the kitchen. I presume, for a headstart.

I lie on the bed and let out a contented smile. Little does she know, I’ve finished baking everything up while she was sleeping. I close my eyes, waiting for a shriek or a “Sayang, what have you done?!” or anything bearing an indication of a shock. Sure enough, as soon as Emme turn on the kitchen light, I heard a long silence and a fast paced footsteps coming towards the bedroom. Emme jumped on top of me (not literally) and said, “Baby what time did you sleep last night? I can’t believe you did this!” I said nothing and gave out a smile. She kissed me over and over.
And yes, I slept at 2.00 am, my back is killing me and I smell like a giant pack of Hershey’s but the look on her face and that kiss – priceless!

She pulled the blanket, held me so close that the edge of her temple touches my lips and we steal a few more hours of sleep.

Morning came not a minute too soon. We scurried out of bed and instinctively head to the kitchen. Cheesy as it sounds, the two cookie jars on the counter top, brought us some sort of a feeling of accomplishment. I hugged her from the back and we swayed from side to side as if dancing to an inaudible music as we kept our eyes fixed on the outcome of what we considered a long time dream came true.




Emme packed the cookies while I prepare the thank you notes. There was much laughter and giggles from our constant tease on each other. At times, I would poke her or tickle her because Emme is so dedicated and when she does something, she’ll get so immersed in what she’s doing and forget about her surrounding (i.e. Me!). Prying for attention, I would try anything just to get her to say something or to laugh – at my expense.




We drove to the post office to drop off the packages. Bound in brown papers and white strings. We smiled all the way. Pleased with our bundles and hoping that it would convey the same joy to the addressee. All 13 of them.