The city
lights up as the day retreats towards the far horizon. Streetlights sprawl like
an extended offspring of the sun. Puny and dim. In the distance I hear the
humming of cars of all sorts. I envy them. I envy their will. Part of me wanted
to be on the road. Ride the night away. I want to go where their heading. See what
all the commotion is all about. But tonight, I only managed to muster enough
will to lie on my bed and write – in my PJs!
Emme is away
for the weekend and that about explains all of the above.
Emme has been
asking me to write more often. I wanted to. Writing is my passion. But somehow, it’s getting harder and harder to
get my words together in a proper sentence. I always told her that I’m swamped
and work got the best of me. Although I know it is the worst excuse, it seems
like a more passable explanation than anything else. Truthfully, all these
while, I wrote only when we’re apart. When my heart yearned so much for just a
glimpse of her that I wasn’t able to contain it within myself. When I wanted
her to know how much it hurts. When distance gutted me alive and I can’t keep
silence anymore.
Which explains
why I’m writing right now.
It’s amazing
how just the presence (or absence) of one person changes your view of
everything. Your perceptions of things occurring all round you. It’s amazing
how she unknowingly determines this woman’s will. I’m not rich, not strong and
far from smart but I know, if Emme told me I can, I could leap from a 20 story
building……and actually fly.
The humming is
slowly receding. The moon glows brilliantly high above the heavy December
clouds. A blissful note on this otherwise gloomy night. The moon was never
brighter than the sun. It’s humbler.
Just to give enough light for people to descend into the refuge of their
dreams. Just enough to soothe the darkness until the dawn of yet another day.
I rest my head
on the pillow, pull the blanket up and hope for sleep. The night grew colder.
And despite
the stirring of the world around me, I feel lonely. Alienated and disconnected.
Without Emme,
I'll be nothing but a trivial being instinctively trying to eek myself through life.
With no destinations and no one waiting for me in the place I dare regard as
home. They’ll be no comfort against the freezing temperament of human. And
these lights and people will just be a distant stranger.
And, there’ll
be no contentment. No occasion to celebrate. No one to listen to (and witness) my
foolish doings. No one to tell me that it’s ok to be foolish, just sometimes.
No one to reassure me that it’s ok to be…just Mea.
I am mumbling.
Goodnight city
lights.
Goodnight my
sweet Emme. Come home soon.
