I rest my hand on her chest. Under my palm, she
breathes away the remainder of the day. Her dark hair obscures part of her eyes
and lips and disappears behind the collar of her thin nightgown. They sway
softly in erratic rhythm, roused by the ceiling fan turned full blast. It’s a
warm February night. Perhaps a sign that the monsoon is finally coming to an
end. The Snow Moon beckons from beyond the barren, cloudless sky. I lie quietly
beside her, kiss the tip of her eyebrow, pull back and wait. Nothing. Her only
riposte is the sound of her stillness. I’ve heard people say that silence is
the most deafening sound.
How true.
At that moment I realized that although I missed
her while she’s at work, when she went away on one of her business trips or
when she went out on her futsal practice, I missed her the most when she’s
asleep. When she’s unaware of anything. Or of anyone who might be staring at
her at this ungodly hour. Anticipating a smile. An acknowledgement.
Lying here just 2 inches away from her, I’ve
never felt so lonely and ignored. Silly me, I feel neglected.
Crack a smile for me
sayang. Just one smile….
Earlier that evening, when I got home from work,
the whole house smelled of thyme, garlic and oregano. And of roses coming from
the perfume oil burner. Emme helped me off my jacket and hastily ushered me to
the shower. She got her long hair tied in a bunch. She was wearing a checkered
apron the color of tangerine and raspberry. It’s got a tiny pocket on the
front. Perhaps for keeping recipes. “Stay away from the kitchen. I’ve got a
surprise for you”, she said at the bathroom door. A quick kiss and she rushed
back to the stove. Today is her off day and Emme was making a special dinner
for both of us. On the bed, my t-shirt and pants were carefully lined. My
favorite stretched-to-the-limit sleepwear. As soon as I don them on I heard
Emme calling. While putting two plates on the dinner table she smiled and said,
almost singing, “Who’s hungry?”
Chicken & shitake
Aglio E Olio, baked sweet peas, peach sorbet and almond pistachio ice cream.
I looked at Emme. Amazed. Grateful and flattered.
At the thought that someone went through all this trouble just to make me
happy. But I’m not happy.… I’m elated! And that’s an understatement.
I cleared my plate in less than 10 minutes. The
linguine Aglio was perfect. And don’t get me started on the dessert…
I kissed and hugged her tightly. Dinner was
splendid. Compliment to the chef. My personal chef. Mind you.
As we retired to our bed, I rubbed her tired
shoulder. They were stiff from the day’s labor. My poor baby. I kissed her eyes
and lay her down. Her weary eyes were begging for an overdue rest. Almost as
soon as they were closed, she departed into slumber.
So here I am, still staring at my lover. My eyes
explore the curls, arcs and curves that conspired to form this beautiful
creature. So are the kindness, gentleness and wit that never fails to warm my
heart even in the coldest of days. This girl puts everything on the table. She
left no chips for herself just in case the game turned sour and she needs to
cash it for the cab home. She’s betting everything on me. On us. On love.
Tears roll down my eyes for reason I couldn’t
quite explain. I move closer, put my arms around her and whisper, “I love you
sayang. With all my heart. I always have and always will.”
And this is as honest as I’ve ever been in my
life. This is the most sincere of words that ever came out of my mouth. In the
dead of the night. When no one is looking or listening.
Even the person for whom the words were meant
for.
