misadventure of mea and emme

rough weather strong wind
this is not how it begin
with a kiss and a simple touch
the treaty was signed with tears and blood

here we are in the middle of the ocean
following the current in free motion
not knowing where the wind will take us
not knowing if the sail would last

i'll cover you when the storm escalate
keep me strong keep me sane
i don't care if we ever land
just stay close and hold my hands

are you hungry how about a kiss
can my love feed your famish
let my caress quench your thirst
i'm sorry this sound so ridiculous

sayang come here and lie on my lap
u must be tired from all the mishaps
Im sorry I took you along with me
I never meant to cause you misery

if someday we succumb and die
let this place serves as a shrine
a remembrance of love revamped
the misadventure of mea and emme

numb

this one's for you
and that one's for day two

a downward spiral

I woke up this morning with an odd feeling of affection and fear all blended up into one big mush. Gosh, I think I’m starting to lose my sense of reason. I don’t think I’m falling in love with you anymore emme. I think I am free-falling into you. No, that’s not it. I’m uhm…spiraling down towards you. I’m losing control emme. There, pride aside, I admit it.
Would you catch my descent?

“Your problem is, when you love, you forget”

I understand that due to some inexorable constraint you can’t promise me forever. I am well aware of that. Come to think of it, it shouldn’t matter because I’m standing here not for personal gain. I’m here just to love you. Emphasis on the word just.

You’re my raison d'être.

And then comes the fear part. Fear of not having you. Losing you. Oh emme, I don’t want to go back to the old mea. I don’t want to have to constantly persuade myself to wake up every morning. I don’t want to watch cartoon reruns every night until I got tired and doze off. I don’t want to have dreams of random and ridiculous events that have me questioning my own mental state in the morning. I want to dream of you.

Still emme, (trembling as I’m writing this) IF one day the inevitable becomes imminent and we have to say that horrendous word, you know, the last word people say to each other before they went the opposite way, could you just promise me that you’ll never forget about me and how I used to make you smile. And just know that when I wake up every morning, every morning, I will utter those 3 words and end it with emme.

……………………………..

Shucks. No. That’s not gonna happen. Let’s not talk about the future. Let’s talk about now. OK emme?

a day of our own

Miles away lovers apart
A nameless affair kept well in the dark
Savour the night loathe the dawn
A moment in time a day of our own

crimson red heels her dress ivory white
She is a woman in her own right
a tinge hotter than a Moroccan summer
and grace akin to Vivaldi’s Winter

Under the moonlight we sat in silence
A song is playing somewhere in the distance
She heightened me with every glance
Excuse me miss, may I have this dance

Stolen smile sleepless nights
Love beguile hold on tight
Turn around close the door
sois mienne, mon amour

better than red

Dear Emme,

I wrote this while you were sleeping. While you were deep in your own retreat. This sight of you always brings me close to tears. Ask me why and I wouldn't know what to answer.

This feeling that I have for you. It felt like the more I let it out, the more it accumulates inside of me. All of a sudden, saying I love you felt inadequate to match how I really feel about you. And all these words they disintegrate to being just arrangement of alphabets. Thin and hollow.

I'm at a lost now. I'm out of words. Out of means. Trying to find better ways to make you understand who Emme is to Mea. I need you to know . That's all I ever wanted. That's my purpose.

So forgive me, dear emme. Pardon me while I search for a more deserving ways to love you. An all improved alternative to "I Love You". A better color than red.

what's so special about Emme?

You know when it's saturday morning and it's raining outside. You smile. Delighted with the day-off bonus. The sound of the rain hitting the roof cradles you like a monotone lullaby. You pull your blanket up to your neck. Wishing you have someone to just hold and share your warmth with.
To me, that someone is emme.

When you have a rough day at work. When nothing works. When no one agrees and no one bothers. You want to reach out and spill out your troubles to someone. You need to hear a voice that would sooth you. Someone to tell you that everything's gonna be ok. Troubles are temporary and life's too short to be wasted on petty skirmish with colleagues who are impossible to enlighten. You pick up the phone and look for a number.
I dial for emme's.

Sometimes you feel like you don't belong anywhere. Restless and weary, you move from one place to another. Door to door. Just to exit as fast as you enter. Wishing you could just find somewhere you could lay your tired head on for good. A home.
My home is anywhere emme is.

And someone who rush towards you just to catch your tears. Who listen and see right through your skin. Right through those tough look you put on just to scare potential threat away. Someone who makes you feel like you can climb the highest mountain, jump and walk away scratch free. Whose touch seep into your veins like the most potent venom and melt you like glaciers in spring. She's everything you want and all you can see.
That's her. That's my emme.

#8

broken dreams
shattered hope
lost of will
cannot cope

here i lie
in silent tears
wish i could die
and dissapear

she came to me
just in time
she shook my body
and make me high

cry no more
fear no one
here i soar
in her arms

all i need
is here with me
love's indeed
a proven theory

close your eyes, dear Emme

Close your eyes I’ll close mine
Let me take you back in time
Do you remember opening that door
When you and me were strangers no more

Close your eyes tighter still
Remember when we climb up that hill
Holding hands stealing kisses
Life can’t be anything better than this

Now everything is dark and empty
The days are long and the nights are scary
Everything went gloomy from the kiss goodbye
Something inside me just withered and died

The sun is scorching the sky is gray
The world is hell when you’re away
I don’t wanna wake up I don’t wanna sleep
I don’t wanna open my eyes unless you’re here

You’re the cure to my open wound
You’re my haven come back soon
Catch my tears ease my pain
Melt my heart with that smile again

there she is

There she is. Looking straight at me from the café. I’m finally here. In just a few seconds we’ll be together again. Suddenly this few meters of walking felt like a walk on a treadmill. I sat beside her. My hands were trembling. I hope she didn’t notice. She looked so good in that new haircut. I can’t remember my first few words to her which was a good thing because I must have said something silly. I guess that’s the only advantage of being a person with short term memories. I wanted to give her a kiss right there but there’s too many people around. Don’t want to create a state emergency!

We’re finally alone in the car. She’s driving. I’ve got the upper hand this time. Literally. I touched her face. Her neck. Surreal. I almost forgot how soft they were. How long has it been? I gave her a kiss. Oh how I miss the feel of her lips against mine. I'm throbbing. Are we there yet?

We arrived at her doorstep. Unknowingly, I whispered to myself, "I'm home". I'm home again. I walked into her living room. Passed the guest room. I can almost see myself there. I can see the old me. Reserved and struggling to maintain control. Carefully arranging every uttered word so that nothing will hint my love for this girl. I see sadness in her eyes. But not anymore.

Everything looked the same. Almost the same. Except for her arms around me. This is how things had always been. In my dreams.

She told me to keep all my luggage in the master bedroom. Somehow I felt honored by this simple instruction. I had never dreamt of ever stepping into this room but look at me now. I'm invited.

There we were. Sharing the same bed again. If I had only one wish, I wouldn't waste it on diamonds or gold. I would say hey presto and wished for time to stop from this moment on. When my eyes met hers. And our lips fused together. Sayang, I miss you so much. How many times have I said that since our little rendezvous at the café? How many times have I said that since our last kiss?

3.45am
I woke up. She's still fast asleep. I should stop kissing her eyes or I'll risk waking her up and ruin her rest. Can't help it. Just one last kiss. She looked so peaceful when she sleeps. Serene and oblivious to my adoring stare. Another kiss. She moved. OK I should stop.

Dawn finally came. The sun seized her rightful throne and chases the night away. Curing my little angel from her slumber. She opened her eyes. She moved closer and put her arms around me. I missed you while you were sleeping...

I've always wanted to cook for her. Even long before we were together. I'm not much of a cook but doing this gives me the feeling of taking care of her even if it means just a few meals in just a couple of days. It provides some sort of inexplicable satisfaction. She pitched in. Being sweet as usual. In between she managed to distract the nervous cook with her wit and kisses. That's the perk of cooking for someone you love. She asked for seconds. I’ve never been this happy cooking for anyone.

Time to head to Malacca.
We've got everything packed and ready including a bag full of home cooked food and a bottle of sparkling red grape juice. It's going to be great. I'm driving this time. I love driving for her. Taking her places. I wish this is something I could do for her every single day. My hands was perched on the passenger seat and instead of resting on an empty space like so many times before, this time it was greeted by a familiar warm tight clutch. I’m home again.

We arrived at our room. Our next hideout. I must admit the word ‘hide’ adds an extra sense of adventure to it. The room was beautiful. But the most beautiful feature of the room must be that magnificent creature lying on the bed. I can’t believe you’re here with me. I held her close. It is real. This is happening. Have I told you how much I love you sayang?

We went out that night. To the mall. I want to believe I took her there although she’s the one giving all the directions. Dinner and movie. Sounds great. Sounds like a proper date. I held her hands. People were staring. I couldn’t care less. Yes we’re in love. Yes she’s with me. Yes, she’s my girl.

Dinner set our tongues ablaze and the movie was an ordeal but somehow that’s just a minute hitch. Obscured by everything else. Her pretty smile, our laughter, ice cream on the bench, ice cream on her dress, the way we clasped our hands in the movie and how she fell asleep halfway through. Do you realize how amazing you are?
The night. No. Date, was perfect.

The dreadful morning came. The last day. Every lover’s nightmare. Time to head home. Time for goodbyes.

I looked at her face. Intently. Trying to memorize her. In hope that later, images of her will ease the agony of missing her. Never worked before but you never know.

I watched her locked the door behind her. Fighting tears. I was home no more.

Was I different this time?
Yes
Good or bad
Better

dear luv

My dear Emme,

Im sorry I havent written in quite a while. I wanted to write. But seems like whatever I wrote lately was never good enough. My words don't deserve you.

I feel sorrow each time I think about you

Im sorry. I dun mean to

No not in a bad way. I juz love you

Dearest Emme, I still find it very hard to comprehend how is it possible to receive this much affection from you. Ive been lovin you for so long and I had given up numerous times that my brain creates this universal truth- You and me are not meant to be. So I cease all hope. Like a wounded soldier in a lost battle, I retreat. Who would have thought...

Syg I bc buku takut ttdo. Bilik I blok J bilik 047.
I won’t lock the door

I'm on my way

Room 047. I was dead nervous. I was practically an animated depiction of the word nervous. I was talking to myself all the way up to your room. Reassuring myself that I can do this. I can see you straight in the eyes while simultaneously maintaining full control of my bodily function. I can do this. Two knocks on the door and there you were. You looked stunning. There is not a day that passes without me reminiscing about you opening that door. I was so happy to see you but I was too overwhelmed by a mix of a million different emotions that all I can rally is a flimsy smile. You pulled me in. I was bouncing all over the place. I was in a daze. I don't know what to do or say. Then you took me into your arms. I remembered my heart skipping a beat. You kissed me. I choked. I was literally choking. Is this Emme? Is this really you?

Think Im gonna be the safest girl on earth if I be with you

U r already with me

Remember the beach sayang? The weather was kind. Perfect. Like a silent consent. The sky was a glorious shade of blue and the sand was a spread of white glitter but all I can see is you and your pretty smile. To these eyes, you engulf everything else around you.

Sayang, Im taking a quick evening walk. Will be back soon.
I love you.

And room 902. The room with a view. Everything about that room was perfect. But not nearly as perfect as you.

where my girl go?

Nowhere. Close ur eyes. Shes stil with u.

I still see you my darling. When Im driving, when I go to bed, when Im all alone playing my guitar. I feel like you're always there beside me. Staring at me. Holding my hand. Smiling. Sometimes I involuntarily smiled and whispered, "what? what yang?".
My dear Emme, I think Im getting accustomed. To you.
That's a curse and a blessing, all in one.

Shoes are made of newspapers

That’s so ridiculous. Me too