The alarm clock threw a fit which almost send me jumping off the bed. I opened my eyes. The night seemed reluctant to give in to dawn. The sky mimicked the color of raw bitumen. The cold and pitiless early morning breeze that lashes through the window felt like a 500 ton locomotive crashing on my face - one coach at a time. I glanced at my phone to check the time. 5.30 am. Time to wake up. Time to go to work. Time to make something out of the day. Out of myself.
But today my weary limbs refused to cooperate. Work will have to wait. Just 5 minutes more.
A turn to the other side of the bed reunited me with Emme who is deep in sleep and draped in thick blanket up to her neck. She was holding my hands under the coverings. They felt warm and tender. I carefully eased myself from her tiny fingers, kissed her eyes and let my sight trace every single curve and curvature on her beautiful features for as long as time will allow me. “I love you sayang”, I sent out a faint whisper hoping that somewhere in her dream my words would echo and she would know that she is loved.
Gosh, I wish I don’t have to go.
My ten thousand miles expedition to the shower was aided by the residues from the streetlights that penetrates and bounces off every naked walls. They submit and glow in faint sunset orange like a neon sign that says, “This way to the icy cold water”.
This morning is no different from any other morning, right before I leave the house I would lie down on the bed right next to her, kiss her lightly and Emme would open her sleepy eyes, muster a smile and reassure me in the softest voice that we’ll see each other tonight. That’s our little ritual.
Her smile is my war cry. They will keep me strong until we meet again. Knowing that no matter what happens during the day, I will find myself under the care of her haven by night.
I ride to work. And work is 80km away. Although riding is my passion, they took quite a toll on me. I am emotionally ecstatic but physically drained. Fighting the wind and other elements, by the time I reach the office, I am already exhausted. Work on the other hand, is manageable. This seems like a fair arrangement to me. For which I am grateful for.
It’s been almost 3 months since we moved in together.
Living with Emme felt like watching my dreams being realized one by one from 30,000 feet above the ground. It felt so unreal that I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. I can’t be this lucky. I had never even won a lucky draw in my life!
What’s a beautiful woman like you doing with me?
I always told Emme that I had never felt so loved in my life. I never had anyone stay awake all night just to tend to my high fever. Nor have I had a lover who would go out of her way just to make my birthday the most amazing day of my life. She listens to my every wish and presents them when I least suspected. She listens to my every fear and let me know that I won’t be facing them alone anymore. She told me that things are different now. That she is here. I never had anyone who made me believe I could be more than who I thought I was. She taught me to be proud of being Mea. That mistakes made us human and forgiveness made us a person. That life is more than just what can be seen. But above all, she made me feel that it is not impossible to be loved.
Everything is fine now. I’m in a place that had abolished my desire to be anywhere else. I’m with a person that makes me feel like I’m the only possible person she could ever fall in love with.
We laugh – mostly at ourselves, we feast whenever there’s an occasion worth celebrating and we groan at things we deem distasteful. Life felt, adequate.
Right here in her arms, life is abundant.
