Remember Us

sky garden

breakfast by the pool table

kapitan

magical morning

Never Let Go, Mea Fabella

6.15am, Saturday. The morning was warmer than mornings should be. The air was dry and stiff. Near the jetty, the sea was kept calm and asleep under a thin blanket of haze. Crows squawked from above the lamp post. Beckoning for the coming of day. I sat on one of the concrete benches lined along the elevated platform. A few of the other benches were occupied as well. We were sandwiched between two railway tracks. Aged and rock-hard timber ties the rusty steel together as they lie on the crushed granite underneath.  I did a quick time check and yawn simultaneously. Hadn’t had too much sleep. The night before was unkindly hot and unsettling.

Or perhaps it was just me.

I was early. Like I promised to be.

It has been a month since distance had denied me from the privilege of living my days under the warmth and care of the woman I love. A month? Surely it must be longer than that. Those last kiss, they felt ancient and remote. A small part of me felt abandoned. Marooned. Like a sinking ship. But none of that matters now. She is on her way.

As the orange tinged ray illuminates the far horizon, I saw a flickering of brilliant white lights coming towards me. From where I’m sitting, they bare the resemblance of a round cut Tanzanian diamond. Bright and glorious. Steels and stones shuddered and groan as the metallic beast approaches. Emme is here.

My palms were involuntarily sweaty. Not uncommon. Nervous and ecstatic. A minute battle was raging inside of me. This happens everytime. And I always lose. One way or the other. People poured out from a small opening at the side of the coaches. They looked tired and worn out. It’s a long journey from where they came from. I sliced through the crowd from the opposite direction. Half frantically giving a keen glance on each faces. Looking for that haunting smile. Then, I saw her. She wore a black sweater and a tiny yellow leather shoes. Her tan khakis covered her legs just below her knees. Her enormous backpack towered from behind her. My heart skipped a beat. We moved briskly towards each other. My face was beaming with pure joy. We hugged and at that instant, every inch of my body tells me to never let go. This is my destination.  It has been a long wait. And now the wait is no more.

As soon as we got in the car, I pulled her close and kissed her weary lips. My hands caressing her cold cheek. She closed her eyes. We got lost in the moment. We got lost in each other’s arms.

Morning was still a blue juvenile when we board the ferry. From the inside, the ferry looked majestic and resilient. Huge steel beam intertwined and formed a rigid knit on the walls and ceiling. We stood on the front deck. As close to each other as permissible. I always like to watch the foam form as the salt water slushes under the ship’s bow. The dense South Channel breeze gushes through her long hair and they in turn brushes against my cheek. Leaving a lingering scent of jasmine and patchouli.

The hotel room was modest at best. A small 14inch TV greeted us as we opened the door. The wall shows signs of being recently painted. The carpet was Prussian blue and it mimicked the shades of the curtains. The walls near the bathroom were half covered with white tiles. A two bulbs chandelier hung from the white ceiling. The room is old yet dignified. It carries a lot of history and you can feel it all around you.

I rolled down the curtain. Emme stared at me from the white linen bed. I joined her under the sheets. I rubbed her tired shoulders and back. We claimed our overdue affections and slept away the afternoon. Contented.

When we finally woke up, it was already 2pm. A durian hunt was scheduled on that day. After a quick hot shower, we headed to Balik Pulau. Emme sported a blue spaghetti top and a blue striped ¾ pants. Exposing her shoulders and collar bones. She looked so fragile and small in them. Demanding protection. The season was near the end. Evident from the empty stalls that dotted the road side.  By the grace of God, we found our durian. A succulent D24 infamously nick named the “Musang King”. I promised Emme that we are going to have the durian with some sticky rice and coconut milk. The way both of us like to have our durian. So equipped with some sticky rice that I brought from home, we made our way to Batu Feringghi for a small picnic. We sat on a flat boulder that also served as our table. On the branches, crows waited for some incidentally unattended food like a small-size American Black Vulture.  The weather was scorching but somehow we were eating and laughing like it does not bother us at all. And everything was delicious. I think I did a second helping. No, third. And so did Emme.

When we got back to the hotel room, we were burning inside out. The heat from the durian was really kicking in. Full and exhausted we fell asleep in each other’s arm as soon as our heads hit the pillows.

Emme and I got up in a daze. It was dark and quiet. How long have we been asleep? 12 midnight. I have to look at my watch twice just to be sure. We stared at each other in disbelieve. We must be so tired to have been sleeping that long. We decided to go for a late supper at our favourite joint just 5 minutes away. Emme had on an exquisite cotton blouse the color of riped raspberries. They echoed her shimmering crimson lips. The blouse hugged her waistline and rest there. She always looks good in red. That night, she looked like the most beautiful woman in that restaurant. She invited curious glance from other patrons, men and women alike. But she didn’t seems to notice them. Her eyes were fixed on this girl, sitting right in front of her, talking and babbling about silly happenings and ridiculous doings. She was staring, adoringly, at me. No, I’m not lucky. I am blessed.

Morning came uninvited but not unforeseen.

Emme kissed me as soon as she opened her eyes. “Morning Sayang”, she uttered softly. I smiled an returned her kiss. She buried her head on my chest. I kissed her hair and held her close. God I love this girl so much. Please don’t let her leave.

The traffic down below was muffled by layers of old red brick building. Making them sound like they were miles away from us. We climbed to the 5^th floor for a breakfast at the Sky Garden. It had the most magnificent view of Georgetown. Old shophouses and cafes laid rows upon rows. Lining the streets and alleys. Komtar stood in the midst of everything. Like a loyal guard. We sat by the pool table. Emme toasted some bread for me. We had a chat by the balcony. Under the splendid Sunday sky, she looked so lovely.  I wished a kiss was possible there and then.

We checked out from the hotel and drove to Ropewalk. The weekend drew a lot of people coming looking for a bargain. We always come here for its cheap and abundant stock of used books. At 2 bucks a piece, we’ll be filling up our library in no time. After picking up some promising reads, we had a light breakfast of hokkien noodles at a Chinese Muslim stall just across the street. Is it just me or everything is just so delicious in Penang?

We arrived at my house that late afternoon. We laid silently on the bed. Wishing that there is some way that time could be stopped or prolonged. I promised Emme that I would come to her as soon as I could. She nodded yet tears started flowing from her sad eyes. She asked me to never let her go so I didn’t. Not until it’s really time to go.

It was drizzling when I sent her off to the station. The waiting area was surprisingly full with travellers. We were chatting and laughing. Trying to rub off the fact that she’s about to leave me. Then I heard that familiar sound. The train is here. We looked at each other. I forged a smile and reassured her that this is only temporary. I’ll get to her every chance I get. She took me into her arms and I told myself to be strong for her so I held my tears. This girl gave me so much happiness. She gave me feelings I had never felt before. Yes, we might not be able to see each other as much as we want to but her presence sums up years of relentless prayers – To love, and be loved in return.

Lullaby

Hollow

I can’t sleep, I can’t hide

I’ve fallen deep and running high

I’m bewitched, I am charmed

Hold my hands, they are numb

Endless nights away from you

Are like stabs on bleeding wound

And days stages my make believe

That you are among the faces I see

And all the highways and dusty streets

Are terribly hollow and awfully discreet

I’m surrounded but abandon

I’m talking but you’re too far to listen

Have mercy on this wretched fool

Trying hard to make it through

Pretending she’s strong and unscathed

She’s fooling nobody but herself

Save me Emme, come home soon

Resuscitate my heart, make them bloom

Never let me go, don’t say goodbye

You’re all I know, you’re everything that’s right

Here's to us

The window pane flickered in bright white lights. Cold dense breeze gushes from in between the openings and blew the drapes about in a chaotic fit. Outside, the trees succumbed to the rising tempest and sway submissively. Shedding leaves that brushes against the dry rust colored ground below.  The weather was restless and thick. A storm is brewing.

The room was kept dim intentionally. A 5 watt bulb that emanates feeblishly from the corner of the room reminds me of the warmth of the morning sun. I laid half awake on my half empty queen size bed. My mind wondered aimlessly but not far from whatever image, sounds and senses that surrounds my recollection of me and her. They flow unambiguously like drops of molten snow that flows into streams and lakes at the mercy of the approaching spring.

 The defiant cloud finally gave way and let out an unrelenting burst. The roof tiles roared as it receives the heavy shower. I pulled my blanket towards my chest. What is it about the rain that intensifies your longing for the conquering allure of a lover?

It’s been a year. My mind was trying to make sense of that. I calculated it in hours and days and months and came up with an insignificant sum of numbers. Numbers that fail miserably in explaining the significance of events like the nights I stayed awake with my arms around her  as the silent darkness eases into dawn that always came too soon.  Waiting for her to open her eyes again so our story could resume.

Or the time when we went to a retreat above the hills. It was drizzling as we made our way to the top. The road was narrow, winding and steep. That didn’t seem to bother the truck driver. He maneuvered carelessly and effortlessly up the aged asphalt trail. The hard rubber pushed dirt and pebbles down the deep ravine as it struggles for grips. The truck rattles and growls in protest. We held on to whatever that was within our reach. I held her arms. We were literally jumping about in the truck. Laughing hard. This felt like an adventure to us. Late afternoon, we sat at the edge of the hill, watching the sun descends where the horizon ends. I remembered swallows flying around us. Forming dark shadows as they flew over of the somnolent sun. I remembered staring at her beautiful, infiltrating eyes and praying for time to freeze just this one time.

And numbers can’t describe the sorrow of being away from her and the helplessness I felt of not being able to be there for her when life was being unkind and human was being….human.

I closed my eyes and move about on my bed, trying to run away from that thought. 
Then, I saw her again. She was wearing a white dress the color of salt water pearl. It complimented her curves and creases flawlessly. The dress train flows and trails her as she walked across the living room. She beamed with joy. I was ecstatic and amazed by this gorgeous creature that stood in front of me. I picked that dress just a day earlier, not knowing whether it will fit her or if she would like it. She turned to me and asked how the dress looked on her. Wide eyed, I somehow managed to smile and said, “Perfect sayang. You looked perfect”. She wrapped her arms around me. I gave her a kiss. “I guess we’ve found your wedding dress”.

The rain subsided into tiny droplets that made an almost hypnotic sound as it made its way down into the moss clad drain from the edge of the clay roof tiles.

As I drifted into my slumber I thank God for an answered prayers. Never have I been so happy in my life and never have I had someone loved me as much as she did. A year had passed since she gave me that first kiss. We have been through a lot of trials and tribulation. But looking back, I see nothing but two girls sitting on a boulder, at the edge of the hill, sharing a kiss.

Happy anniversary Emme Fabella. It has been a wonderful year. Thank you for having me.

I’m lucky to have been given the privilege to walk by your side.

Remember that you will always have all of Mea.

Here’s to us.