a downward spiral

I woke up this morning with an odd feeling of affection and fear all blended up into one big mush. Gosh, I think I’m starting to lose my sense of reason. I don’t think I’m falling in love with you anymore emme. I think I am free-falling into you. No, that’s not it. I’m uhm…spiraling down towards you. I’m losing control emme. There, pride aside, I admit it.
Would you catch my descent?

“Your problem is, when you love, you forget”

I understand that due to some inexorable constraint you can’t promise me forever. I am well aware of that. Come to think of it, it shouldn’t matter because I’m standing here not for personal gain. I’m here just to love you. Emphasis on the word just.

You’re my raison d'être.

And then comes the fear part. Fear of not having you. Losing you. Oh emme, I don’t want to go back to the old mea. I don’t want to have to constantly persuade myself to wake up every morning. I don’t want to watch cartoon reruns every night until I got tired and doze off. I don’t want to have dreams of random and ridiculous events that have me questioning my own mental state in the morning. I want to dream of you.

Still emme, (trembling as I’m writing this) IF one day the inevitable becomes imminent and we have to say that horrendous word, you know, the last word people say to each other before they went the opposite way, could you just promise me that you’ll never forget about me and how I used to make you smile. And just know that when I wake up every morning, every morning, I will utter those 3 words and end it with emme.

……………………………..

Shucks. No. That’s not gonna happen. Let’s not talk about the future. Let’s talk about now. OK emme?