noname

Disappear with me into the night

Hide away in my embrace

Never fear what lies ahead

This love is our escape

Leave those vain stare unheeded

Leave your guilt behind

Launch with me my wild steed

This love is our crime

I shall not cower away from fate

I will not bow to the prejudice of some

I may perish fighting for justice

But I’ll die smiling in your arms

To know that truth exists

Obscured from common eyes

And that freedom persist

Beyond the haughty lies

Sky Blue

The rain pours on relentlessly. Down below, the ground swells and surrenders into puddles of murky waters. My damp jacket and gloves sways away lazily on the dining chair. Hope with the help of the ceiling fan, they’ll dry up in time for work tomorrow. The rainy season is back and it’s making a grand entrance. Not that I mind. There’s something about heavy rains that make everything feels safe and purified. 

I am lying on the couch waiting for Emme to come home from work. Blanco, who is now closing in to 4kg, fur, tail and all, makes himself comfortable on my chest. His sky blue eyes look on to me while he occasionally licks my nose. I wonder what they think of us human. Perhaps to them, we are the pets. Or worst, the self-heated furniture. Well, not sure about that but I’m pretty sure he misses us when we’re gone to work. Evident from the way he bolted to the door at the sound of it unlocking.  Furniture or not, that’s good enough for me.

Earlier today, I had a chat with a business associate who came for a visit. Conversation moved from being about work to life. The usual small talk. But something he said kept echoing in my head, 

“So, are you living here with your family?”

That question caught me off guard. My natural reflexes wanted to say yes. I wanted to say, “Oh, I’m living with my wife”. But that would have been the ultimate conversation killer, wouldn’t it? Hence, to keep things calm I smiled instead. A vague response which he soon brushes off and we moved on to talking about other things.

It’s only 5.00 pm but the house is darker than dusk. Heavy clouds the color of soot drifted slowly and descends as if scouting for a place to land. Blanco have since moved to the other side of the sofa. Emme should be home in a few minutes. Gosh, I miss her.

I wish I could tell the world that Emme is more than a wife to me. That we’ve been married since the day her lips found mine. That love exists in many forms and it is invincible from all things human deem ‘important’. And that this love is real – alive and kicking. 

 I guess my curse is my urge to boast to the whole world that I’m in love.

I want the world to know how wonderful Emme is. And how amazing my life has been since my heart made that leap of faith. I want my families and friends to know that I’m happy now. And that they have nothing to worry about. I am safe and sound.

A click on the door knob. And there goes Blanco, running to the door.

Blanco Diablo

 

Don't grow up too fast, darling!

Steadfast

The coach sways in its course. Aged metal wheels wrestle with the tracks and let out a high pitch scream. The train speeds away, barging on into the darkness like a steadfast war chariot. Taking me away for Eid and away from her. Oh, I don’t mean to make the festive season sounds so melancholic but here I am staring at the ‘ceiling’ of my berth with dread. I lie submissively while an old enemy nibbles on my insides and leave an echoing emptiness. I know this feeling. I haven’t had it for a very, very long time. I thought I’ve grown out of it. I thought I’ve mellowed away. Turns out, I haven’t even budge from who I was the day I laid my eyes on that smile.

6 days. Just 6 days Ms. Drama Queen. That’s less than a week. You’ve handled a severely longer period than this, right?

I close my eyes. Take a deep inhale. Let out a heavy breath hoping that somehow someone stronger will come out of it. None.

Lord, I’m missing her.

Funny, after all these years, I’m still the same hopeless Mea.

The last 8 months of being overindulged by her presence is offering little help in times like these. They exacerbate this ludicrous longing like the arid August wind feeding a fuming bushfire.

She took care of me. Meticulous with everything that concerns me. Often, she bathed me and let her fingers cleansed me and shunt my troubles away. She stayed up all night, dabbing my skin with icy cold water when I was down with fever. She speaks in the softest tone. One that made me want to break into grateful tears. She pacifies me when the world has its way on me. She urges me to soar and spreads her arms down below in case I fall. She took care of me.

There are times when life’s monotonous ritual took a toll on us. I tried my best to keep this love on its toes. Emme is resilient. She had kisses and hugs on tap should Mea be needing it. She never changed a bit.

I want Emme to always know that my stars and moon revolves around her. That she is closer to me than my own skin. That my love for her rushes from all directions. I know it’s too easy to blame it on being human but I am infested with weaknesses. Of which I am ashamed of and struggling to stray away from. I want her to know that I would exhaust my might for her. I’ll fight to the death for her honour. That this love too, is on tap.

The old locomotive rages on. My headphones delivers a coinciding theme.

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue and
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

Make You Feel My Love – Bob Dylan

Dear Emme,

If someday you're awaken from whisperings of doubt and fear, just look into my eyes and you’ll find me. Close your eyes, and let the worries dissipate with the kisses that will follow soon after…

Another Emme

She was lying on her side in the middle of the living room. Beckoning me to come closer. Her eyes and brows formed this sharp, inexplicable allure that hits me like a lustrous sheen from a thousand swords.

She was wearing nothing. The thin linen blanket that lined the edge of her curve slipped down to her waist. Her long wavy hair was still damp from the late afternoon shower. They smelled of summer ripe peaches and sweet vanilla. Under the warm waft from the ceiling fan, they fluttered.

She bit her lips. She let her gaze hunt me like a hungry hound. She knew she got me. And I had no chance…

She inches her way towards me. I tried hard to bury the surge that’s growing inside of me away from my telltale eyes. Like the last soldier standing against a horde of enemy, I put on a fake bravery.

Then, her lips discovered mine. Boldly, her fingers moved mischievously. And I succumbed.

And, at that very moment, as she claims what is hers, I wish it was possible for me to conceive her bloodline. Our bloodline. To have a descendant with a resemblance of whatever grace and charm that never fails to captivate me. Her wide piercing eyes, her crimson lips, her brilliant wit……and that smile.

Imagine that. Imagine being bestowed with another one of that smile. Another velvety touch on the coldest of days. Another kind words when the rest of the world look away. Another heart to love.

Another Emme.

Imagine that.