All The Lonely People

The bus drove on. Emme was following not far behind. Is she chasing after me? Perhaps she was trying to steal one final glimpse. Another wave goodbye. My heart sank. She looked so tiny in that driver’s seat. Sad and alone. We part as she made a left turn and I went the opposite way.

I kept asking myself why I have to leave. Don’t we have the power to do what we want now? Now that we’ve grown up and had minds of our own? Huh, stop being silly Mea. Two mature, working adults, remember?

As the bus makes its way through the dark cold asphalt, I lower the seat and close my eyes. Without mercy, images of her came gushing in into my mind wave upon wave. I was quickly taken back to a morning just a few days ago. I remembered her smile. The smile she made as she opened her eyes. The smile she made as soon as she saw me. Her beautiful dark hazel eyes squinting from the sudden rush of the morning sunlight. Her delicate fingers caressing my cheek. She pulled me close and whispered her love for me. And I confessed mine. That’s our little ritual. Every single morning.

We had the weekends all to ourselves. That’s a rare luxury we both understood well and always try to make full use of. Emme wanted to take me to this bootsale and maybe catch some dinner with a few good friends later. And of course, that sounds like a very good plan. Anywhere with Emme is a good place to be.

We decided to travel with public transports. “We’d see more this way”, I told Emme. We took a bus and sit at the far end of it. Emme was naughty and playful, as usual. Teasing me. Even occasionally singing and moving about to the music which was playing on the speaker. We laughed and laughed. Two goofools back in action.

Excited as she was, Emme was showing signs of fatigue. She came back from a hiking trip just a day before and I think she hasn’t fully recovered although she managed to convince me that she was. She said she really wanted to show me the bootsale. This is the place she shops for books and CDs. Including some that she lent me.

I immediately fell in love with the place. It’s a heaven for book lovers and bargain hunters like us. It’s amazing how not so many people knew about it. Emme was all over the place. Grabbing my arms and hastily taking me from one shop to another. She’s been telling me about this place for so long but now that she got me here, she can’t decide which one is more interesting to show to me than the other. Anyway, we end up not buying anything but I’m going to come back. Definitely.

Later we rode a train and moved further into the stony maze to meet our friends. Emme’s condition had worsened at this point. Her hands and feet were sweaty and cold as ice. She kept telling me she felt nauseous. I was getting worried but my attempt to persuade her to just go home was met by her persistence to keep going. So we kept going.

While having dinner, Emme excused herself to the ladies room. I followed her right into the toilet where she vomited. I rubbed her back until she stops convulsing. She sat on the toilet seat as I held her. Poor thing. We should have stayed at home. As her complexion came back and she felt better, we began to realize that we were locked together in a public bathroom full of people. We stared at each other for a minute or two. Trying to figure out how to get out of there when we both already knew there’s only one way in and out. We gave each other a smile then Emme said, highbrow, “Let’s do this”. We rushed out surprising a few people who were waiting for a vacant toilet. Gosh, they must've think that we’re making out in there. We would - if Emme weren’t sick.

She finally surrendered so we took another train and head home. While waiting at the station, she went pale and blue again. She can’t even walk anymore. I was in a state of panic and was contemplating whether I should call for an ambulance. She said it was unnecessary because she’s just exhausted. We sat on a bench and I asked Emme to lie down on my lap. I massaged her head and pray for the train to come soon. Needless to say, we attracted a lot of queer stare from other patrons. I have no concern over those. All I care about is her and why the train is taking so bloody long.

When we finally got home, she was totally worn out and shivering. She kept apologizing. She felt like she had ruined the evening. I told her, “Don’t say sorry baby. I had a great time. Thank you for taking me to these places. You’re pushing yourself too hard. Next time let’s just rest at home if we’re too tired, okay?” Emme gave a weak nod.

As she laid half conscious on the bed, I rubbed medicated oil on her. Her hands were still cold. So were her feet. Her muscles were as stiff as a rock. I went on and only stopped when her fingers felt warmer than mine. I gave her a goodnight kiss and covered her bare back with a thick blanket. She was breathing deeply. Rest sweetie. It’s been an awfully long day. I closed the door and went to the study room to do some reading. Somehow, tired as I was, I can’t sleep. Must be the adrenaline from what happened earlier that evening.

The book was about a lady detective in Botswana. I think I managed to read a couple of pages before I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up sometime later to find Emme at the door, covered in blankets. She said in a husky voice, “I woke up and you weren’t there. So I went looking for you”. I don’t know why but something inside me swelled up. Must be my motherly instinct. She needs me. I gave her a hug and we went to bed. Arms wrapped in each other. “I’m here darling”.

When I opened my eyes, the sky was a beautiful tone of Prussian blue. The sun’s up. Emme was still sleeping. She had her arms around me still. Her face touching mine. In the serenity of the early dawn, I talked to Him;

“Dear God, please protect her when I’m not around. Please guard her when she’s unaware. Keep her safe until my return. Bestowed her with as much love as she had given on others and on me. I don’t mean to offend you but this is the person I love”. Tears flowed from my eyes. I quickly wipe them so they won’t fall on Emme and woke her up. But she did anyway. She asked, “Sayang, were you talking in your sleep?” I just smiled and kiss her forehead.

The day felt like déjà-vu. Clothes were hesitantly stuffed into the backpack ready to be sent off to where it came from. Along with its owner. Emme sat at the corner of the room hugging her knees while I get dressed. I know that look. It’s the why-do-you-have-to-go look. If there’s an award for the moment I hate the most, this must be it. And second place would go to the final hug at the bus station. Which came in succession not long after.

But this time, no tears came from our eyes. Just like I promised. We laughed from the moment we met up until I throw her a butterfly kiss from the bus.

The engines starts but I’m not ready to go…..
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300km from Emme

Here I am alone again. Back to square one. Watching the hills as the sun bathe the tree top and replenish them back to their former glory. Missing the girl I kissed just yesterday. The Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby was playing on the radio. Singing my heart again, as always;

All the lonely people where do they all come from…..All the lonely people where do they all belong….

Perhaps Mea never left. Perhaps somewhere in the ripple of space and time, Mea and Emme are still there, under the blanket. Fingers weaved in one another. Chatting and kissing the night away…